REVIEW: Ted

Seth MacFarlane's directorial debut is about a teddy bear that comes alive to keep Wahlberg company. But is this just a piece of fluff? Or is it stuffed full of jokes?


Well, as much as I'd like to say this is an adult version of Pinnochio, Ted is actually so primitive in it's storytelling that it would be a disservice to say so. If you don't know what it's about then a brief summary is that Wahlberg wished upon a star that his bear would come alive, which it does. Instead of being a cute toy forever, he grows up with Wahlberg and they become friends for life, both as crude as the other. Mila Kunis does her bit as Mark's girlfriend and is very patient until she has enough and tells Mark he needs to get his act together.

That's about it. Can you predict what's going to happen? Yes. The B-Plot (if you can call it that) with some obsessive fans is shoved into the story to add some tension in what is ultimately a running gag piece about a dirty talking cuddly bear.

So is it funny? Meh. In some places, I proper cracked up - that was probably about 6 times in the whole (looooooong) film. The Flash Gordon stuff was quite funny, but again it keeps going and going and ultimately, Ted and Mark (or whoever his name is) are both complete selfish wankers. I know the whole point is that he has to grow up but I start to wonder at points if Wahlberg is actually supposed to be slightly retarded? Or have Asperger's or something? (I'm not connecting the two conditions).

Ted is a cross between Brian and Peter Griffin. In that he is exactly like Brian, but sounds like Peter Griffin (it's even referenced at one point) which makes you feel like you've kinda seen this all before one way or another. I'm so sick of Seth MacFarlane and I generally think he's a one trick pony that luckily has some great writers behind them that actually do the really funny stuff. Also, the bear drinks, smokes, has sex etc but - how is he actually doing this? I know I'm not supposed to take it seriously but when he's having sex, I don't really know what is supposed to be happening? Is he just you know .... scissoring?

Also I hate Mark Wahlberg and don't think he's that funny, or a good actor. I thought he was SHIT in The Departed and people who like him in that think that scowling and shouting makes you a macho man should watch a few Westerns. He was good in Boogie Nights and anything where he plays an idiot. Also remember he was a racist thug, who beat up an old Vietnamese man with a stick and blinded him, just for being from Vietnam, this might have happened when he was 16, but I say it's no excuse. Also, he did keep doing these things until past 21 and so I can't really say the guy deserves anything. He's bland, boring and not funny unless he's trying to be 'the nice guy' with some 'aww shucks' moments that you know are nothing like him.

The film is very long, with a few jokes taken away from it, but to be honest I'd rather have watched a few episodes of Family Guy.One scene including Norah Jones for example could have been cut completely and wasn't at all funny. It's definitely harmless fun that I know people will be joking about for time to come, and if you love MacFarlane than you will probably love this, but it's just one idea (and an idea that's already been done) - there's only so many jokes about swearing, dicks and sex you can listen to before thinking 'are these even jokes anymore?'. Definitely for teenage males.

Rating: 5/10

REVIEW: The Fighter

A double whammy for Aronofsky as he produces this David O Russell film based on a true story about Mickey 'Irish' Ward and his relationship with his brother Dickey. Is it the next Rocky? No, not really.


Coming out of The Fighter I was a bit unsure of what I felt. It's as if I should recognise this was a great film, but I just couldn't accept that it was. It's all there, downtrodden fighter, against-all-odds, the love interest, drugs, hope, despair but I couldn't help but think it was a mere shadow compared to sporting films in the past and the obvious link to The Wrestler, the reason why this was directed by O Russell rather than Aronofsky, makes it abundantly clear that it's just not top quality. It's a rather standard movie that has appeared at the right time to be considered for awards. A bit of a dirty shot as I doubt had it been released a while ago, it would have been considered.

Why is it not the big hit it's supposed to be? Well, the story is pretty mundane to be honest. Mickey is trying to be an accomplished boxer but living in the shadow of his drug-using, egotistical Dickey played by Bale as well as having an over-bearing mother and a gaggle of sisters. All the while he's dating strong-spirited Amy Adams and trying his best to train and yet not let everyone down at the same time. The real focus of the story here though is Bale and Mickey Ward is a strong, yet simple man who just wants to fight and really he's just too weak to stand up for himself. How ironic and something Oscar judges will probably cream themselves over. However, it's been done.

The acting here is pretty good but swings from cartoonish to overly-serious. Bale's Dickey is a force to be reckoned with and again Bale has completely taken over the role looking similar to his skin-and-bones Machinist persona. Dickey is clearly deluded into creating a legacy that is bigger than himself, and unfortunately so is his mother. It's some great acting but I felt at times it was a little too much, perhaps much like Dickey himself he becomes a caricature and it's slightly off-putting compared to the rather wooden Wahlberg. I honest to God cannot see why he is still being cast in anything, he has exactly the same look, the same tone, he might as well be reading off the page. There's no emotion behind his eyes and I might have liked him in some performances, but the role has to cater to Wahlberg, Wahlberg doesn't cater for the role. I'm no boxing expert, but I still felt Wahlberg was unconvincing as a boxer, he can hit a speedbag and do some combinations but it's not exactly Raging Bull. Instead Wahlberg looks like a stone as he boxes, it's so insular and looks amateurish, the fights themselves look extremely fake at times and even by filming with the same cameras used in the sport to give it that 'TV' effect, it still doesn't stand up to any real or Hollywood fights, it's even got shitty 'whump' sound effects.

Wahlberg might have predictably ruined the film, but Melissa Leo as their mother makes a great middle ground between Wahlberg's stone-cold serious 'acting' and Bale's OTT method performance. She shines through and Amy Adams struggles slightly in comparison. Adams does a decent enough job but really I felt she was more of a distraction rather than a help. The story is about strong females just as much, if not more so, than strong males and Adams isn't afraid of the horrible, gossiping sisters that crowd around the film like an ancient Greek chorus. However, I feel the role was a bit too much for her and as good as she was, I felt she didn't quite have the gravitas needed.

I enjoyed watching this, but I really felt that the directing wasn't O Russell at his best, it was too similar to The Wrestler's handicam approach and there was nothing about it I can look back on and think 'that was great' - even the fight scenes weren't exactly gripping. Bale chewed up the scene alongside Melissa Leo and left everyone else in their wake. Some people will probably just big it up because it's called The Fighter and it's about boxing and is very macho macho and that's enough to keep people excited, but in truth it's overrated already. Compared to True Grit that I have just watched, it's definitely not as good, and I didn't think that was amazing either. If The Fighter gets any Oscar nods for anyone other than Melissa Leo and perhaps Bale, then it's undeserved. It touches on important issues so lightly that they might as well have been left alone - there's nothing giving it any integrity apart from the fact that it's a true story and the most interesting stuff was the real footage, which makes me rather watch a real documentary on the fighters rather than see this film again.

Rating: 7/10

Uncharted Movie News

It's official - Sony have cast Mark Wahlberg as Nathan Drake in a movie adaptation of the incredible PS3 Uncharted series.

As anyone knows, Wahlberg's perpetual worried look will make a lot of fans displeased. Look at his Max Payne game remake for instance. Nathan Fillion had expressed an interest in playing the role, which would have been a million times better but instead we're left to see an amazing game franchise get completely raped by a crap actor. Yes crap. Does anyone else agree? "Oh what about The Departed?" umm.. wasn't he just an angry the whole time? Isn't he just supposed to look angry all the time? I think it can be safely said that whatever films he does, he's not a bankable star by any means.

So what about the director? David O Russell will take the helm which is a surprise because he's done some very strange films and is known for well... not getting on with his cast. George Clooney smacked him about in Three Kings and there's that fight on YouTube he has with Lily Tomlin in I Heart Huckabees, and he's got The Fighter coming out with Wahlberg and Bale which might be a good impression of how much he can get out of Wahlberg's limited acting. Pesci and De Niro have even been rumoured to play Wahlberg's father and uncle - which will be strange. I'm just hoping it won't be another National Treasure ... I'd rather kill myself.

The Other Guys

Ferrell and McKay team up again in the hope of making another success like Anchorman, but what with these tame empty releases constantly being churned out, is there any point making an Anchorman 2 if it's going to be like their recent work?

I can't help but wonder if McKay and Ferrell just can't be bothered anymore. They've made their millions and now just want to make mediocre films that take in a mediocre box office in the hope that loads of people might love it. The Other Guys was never going to be the next Anchorman, but then it's not really much of anything.

Wahlberg plays a cop who has a complete geeky pathetic partner played by Ferrell. They soon wind up getting involved in a big scam revolving around Coogan and they ultimately have to work together to solve the case.

It's a by-the-numbers action/comedy that is more about the jokes than the plot. I couldn't actually tell you precisely what was going on in terms of the case but it's all a McGuffin anyway, the real story is about Ferrell's character standing up for himself and coming to terms with his past and Wahlberg showing his more sensitive side. That's it really.

Wahlberg and Ferrell work quite well as a rather odd couple but it gets very tiring very fast with the overmacho Mark and then the wimpy Will. The Rock and Samuel L Jackson don't get that much of a look in to even really comment on and the real shining star of the piece is really Michael Keaton. Some bits made me laugh out loud but really this is a no-brainer, passive comedy for Ferrell fans who are waiting for something better. Even Eva Mendes couldn't save this from being little more than a money guzzling McKay machine.

Don't get me wrong, some bits did make me crack up, but really I'd rather spend an hour and a half on Funny Or Die.com than watching this. At least I'd get more than a handful of jokes without the bother of concentrating on a story I don't care about or even understand. Wait until it comes out on DVD and even then, see if there's something better on the shelves.

Rating: 5/10