REVIEW: Don't Be Afraid of the Dark

Or more apt, Be Afraid Of Katie Holmes ....


Del Toro producing? Horror? Little kids? Could this be The Orphanage again? Fingers crossed and jumping up and down I began to watch the film. Only to be thoroughly disappointed and at one point even fell asleep.

The story is about a little girl living with her Dad in a new home with his new girlfriend. There are some clear family troubles with the daughter not really wanted by either parent and poor old Katie Holmes trying to be a mum. During the course of this there are these tiny little critters living underneath the house and they seem to pop up causing mischief which then turns a bit more serious as blood starts to be shed.

The main problem with this film is that it's as confused as Michael Jackson's kids. It's as much for adults than Gremlins was (which was also a 15 certificate), which everyone saw as a kid. These little blighters are even scared of light ("Bright light! Bright light!") and then it tries to take this weird, cutesy thing of these rather unassuming little toy soldier type monsters and make them really, really scary. When in all honesty, if you had any kind of weapon, even a big shoe, you'd probably kill them all in one swoop.

The little girl does well, even with such an annoying face and the stereotypical metaphor for these creatures being the obstacle to overcome to live a happy family life falls flat on it's face after the final scene, which in all honesty, doesn't really make sense. I wish I could say more about the film, but truth be told nothing really happens, it's the girl getting more and more perturbed by these strange little monsters that want to drag her to some weird kind of hell. All the fairy tale type notions (with the inevitable half-way 'reveal' of the history of the creatures) are a bit of a mixed bag and there's no real jeopardy to really keep you on the edge of your seat. It really is a shame that Katie Holmes just can't break out as an actress, but she is so amazingly average in this film that you can't help but wonder if you're just watching someone pretending to act. It's also confusing who you are rooting for and who the protagonist is, is it Holmes or the little girl? They're kind of against each other but not really? Who is the hero?

Director Troy Nixey's debut feature film should be wowing the audience, but instead it feels like a half-hearted effort and with Del Toro's name splashed over it all, it's a shame that the failure will most likely fall onto him rather than Nixey. This film is instantly forgettable and about as scary as realising you've forgotten to pack a pair of pants on your holiday. Do yourself a favour and forget Del Toro had anything to do with this film and keep those expectations low - you'll need it.

Rating: 4/10

REVIEW: A Serbian Film

One of the most depraved films of recent years has shocked the world and, at the very least, put the Serbian film industry (who knew they had one?) on the map.


It's a clever move calling it A Serbian Film. For sheer marketing reasons, it is out-there enough to put Serbia at the front of the torture-porn thing that has settled somewhat now, and it will forever stand alone as that film from Serbia, A Serbian Film. What the people of Serbia might say about this film standing up for their country is redundant and it doesn't make Serbia look like an amazing place to live, though there does seem to be an infinite number of hot women, so can't be all bad.

The film is about an ex-porn star who is brought back into the business by the promise of huge amounts of money. The first hour you can see things aren't looking good in this weird porn film he's agreed to star in, but for that first hour it slowly sets the scene until the final act where all hell breaks loose.

Though a lot of people would say this has been made purely for shock value, it could in fact be viewed as quite a strong social commentary. The crazed director in the film would mirror what people would think of director Srdjan Spasojevic - arguing that all the horrid ordeals he's putting them through is 'art', that there is a finesse to this grotesque horror. We all know that it is in fact not art at all which could also be applied to the film itself making it completely self-aware. However, there's a bit more going on then just torture-porn.

The idea of a 'happy Serbian family' and it's violent history, the way it literally fucks themselves over, it's lack of identity, the idea of the rich controlling the poor and taking away more than just their dignity. The notion that the rich and powerful make brothers fight, families go against each other and that there's no sense of unity. This isn't surprising since it's only just become a stand-alone sovereign republic since 2006 when it separated from Montenegro marking the end of Yugoslavia (thanks Wikipedia). It's also a commentary on it's apprehension with Western, often sexualised, influences in what was a Communist environment. By feeling so restricted, they have gone off the deep end into pure Western freedom - 'free fucking' as they call it in the film.

Anyway, that's enough serious stuff. I have to say that, in a completely non-depraved way, I enjoyed the film. The bleached out colours, the way everything was shot, it's relentless assault on your human condition, the characters and the general plot all serve to be quite a strangely entertaining film. As regular readers might know, I'm a big fan of the slow-burn beginnings if the pay-out is amazing - and you can't say the payout here wasn't intense. There are a couple of stupid bits and pieces that don't make sense, but to be bold and brave enough to deal with necrophilia, (extreme) paedophilia, incest, rape and the idea of just fucking anything and taking it to such extreme levels is astonishing. Even though it's quite horrific to watch, I did find it funny. I'm sorry but killing a guy by driving your boner through his eye and into his brain is nothing to be sniffed at (it is literally quite an eyeful). It has numerous scenes that if spread out across several films, would still make those films the top of disgust, even if nothing else happened. Yet here, they've rolled it all into one fairly decent package.

If none of this shocks you in any way, then you might need to see someone because it really goes off into the extremes of the psyche. However, you cannot take it seriously. The last line of the whole film for instance, I couldn't help but laugh out loud at. After having quite a serious ending, a five minute sequence or so of silent reflection, to end in such a manner is pure genius.

A lot of people will view this film and think it's just a disgusting piece of shit. It's not exactly something you can take someone to on a first date or sit with mum and dad and watch, but if you, like me, are one of those people that joke about disgusting, sick stuff, you'll love this. Otherwise if you like horror films, it doesn't go for the scare, it just pleases to shock.

Keep an open mind and you'll enjoy. I guarantee you that you'll be talking about it for the rest of your life.

Rating: 8/10

The Sorcerer's Apprentice

Disney turn another old classic into a modern remake that doesn't hold back on action, magic or laughs. It's quite a surprise...

Walking into this I thought it would be another CG-riddled ridiculous Disney money-maker but in all fairness, I quite enjoyed it.

Loosely based on 'Fantasia', Nic Cage (who looks like a weird older version of myself) plays an old wizard looking for Merlin's bloodline which turns up in Jay Baruchel's Dave (who I SWEAR acts just like some weird young Peter Falk) and they have to defeat this evil spirit trapped in a ... doll ... that Alfred Molina's Maxim intends to awaken. There are some other details but that's the basic idea. It obviously deals with confidence, romance, self-belief and I'd like to think the final battle in a fountain is a metaphor for the defeat of a 'wet' incident that plagues the young apprentice to this day, but maybe I'm reading too much into it, after all it's a kids film right?

Cage does his bit as the mentor very well, but you feel like he's holding back at times and too weighed down by the fact he has to take everything seriously to get the plot moving for the reluctant protagonist (which plays the Hero's Journey to a tee). Alfred Molina relishes in his evil persona and looks great doing it, another remarkable turn by one of our well-loved thespians. Which leads me on to one of my favourite British actors Toby Kebbell as he does his best Russell Brand impression as Molina's wacky Essex-boy sidekick. Hell, I don't even mind the love interest too much. Jay Baruchel again does his geeky, awkward acting (which I think is at times a lot better than say Michael Cera) and gets some genuinely funny lines in, but when it all starts getting Disney-esque, where he starts to believe in himself and all that, he does pull it off but you can't help but think he's suddenly jumped into a pool of cheese and left you alone on the sun lounger.

You can't help the Disney edge (or lack of it) and some bits, like the Tesla coils, Monica Bellucci in the end, the ridiculous opening sequence and all that, let it down greatly. Some bits I cracked up in because it was just stupid, not because it was supposed to be funny. The end was just sheer stupidity. But along the way I did enjoy the action scenes, the banter between Cage and Baruchel, the awkward dating scenarios and all that, but there just wasn't enough depth to it to warrant it a must-see. You can pretty much guess what's going to happen in each scene for instance.

However, it's a bit of mindless fun and you can see how it's the same as National Treasure. The kids will love all the magic and nonsense and there's enough for adults to enjoy as well as the teens, so it successfully works on all levels for all audiences. It's just so bloody stupid, cheesy and predictable at times. If you take it for what it is, you won't go wrong. To put it simply, I liked it better than the National Treasures. It gains marks for trying something different at least.

Rating: 7/10

Prince Of Persia

Disney's big hit for 2010 isn't based on a theme park ride, but instead on a popular video games series. But will it be as cursed as other game adaptations or will Bruckheimer give Disney another cash cow to milk?

Prince of Persia is a very strange choice for Disney to undertake, it definitely ticks all the right boxes for an action/adventure film along the lines of Pirates of the Caribbean, but the game series has gradually become less and less popular as they have continued. This is mainly because it's essentially the same thing again and again, and what with another game to coincide with the film's release, it will inevitably be the same again. So for something that has proven to be less popular over time, Disney's new franchise which will inevitably spawn sequel after sequel seems to be a bit of a risk. But then, this film is full of risks. Namely because it is directed by Mike Newell, who fair enough did make Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, but has a very strange list of films attached to his name including Donnie Brasco, Four Weddings and a Funeral , Mona Lisa Smile and a huge UK TV background before that. He's not exactly first choice for something as delicate as this, but then Prince of Persia is, almost, a British film. It was filmed on location in Morocco but most of it was filmed at Pinewood and has, apart from Gyllenhaal, an entirely British cast.

Gyllenhaal himself is a strange choice, not necessarily known for his action roles, he is pretty much the sole bankable name and definitely a whole lot better than the other names being bantered about for this role including Orlando Bloom and Zac Efron. However, even though it's got Kingsley and Arteton in it, it's solely dependent on that Jake will be putting bums on seats and is he necessarily such a huge box office draw? I imagine we will soon find out.

If you're not familiar with the games there's no need to worry, the only thing that remains the same is the setting and the idea of the 'sands of time' - but that's it. This is actually quite a shame as the games have a lot of twists, turns and plays with the idea of time travel in innovative, unique ways. But Disney have decided against this and settled on a bog-standard tale of a man on the run trying to clear his name and looks more like a live-action adaptation of Aladdin than Prince of Persia.

The initial action sequence is exciting and epic, but I'm afraid it's downhill from there. After a confusing mishap, Gyllenhaal's Dastan is on the run with Arteton's Tamina in tow and he soon learns about a dagger that controls time. Seeing as the time travel element is the most exciting thing about the film, you'd think they'd use it a lot especially during battle, but in fact, throughout the entire film it gets used about three or four times. Not even close to the amount of times you'd like to see it, baring in mind that in the games you are time travelling pretty much constantly, this was an extremely disappointing result, but if it was sacrificed to make for a better story then I could understand but I'm sorry to say this wasn't the case.

Soon, the clear-as-day twist is discovered and Dastan runs into Alfred Molina and his 'hilarious' rogues. Meanwhile, his two brothers - the great Toby Kebbell and 'that guy from Coupling' Richard Coyle are also trying to chase him down. Then the evil hassassins are soon following Dastan to get back the dagger and you can guess the rest. By the end, the climax is actually rather insulting and you're left feeling completely unsatisfied.

For a story that at it's heart is very simple, it's unnecessarily complicated. The underground time sandcastle, the history of the dagger and other characters try and distract you from realising that this is actually quite boring. It's not engaging enough and the action was the only saving grace, but even then I'd imagine this was done by a second unit and in fact, I doubt Newell had much say over the action set-pieces at all. Unfortunately, the action isn't grandiose enough and is entirely forgettable once it is over. Even little issues such as the geography of it all drove me mad, I never knew exactly where they were going and why people seemed to catch up to them, or lag behind and in the last sequence where an entire chamber dissolves into sand, how they all managed to end up in the same place. This might not matter to the kids who this is clearly designed for, but for adults it jars horrifically and Disney has to remember that Pirates did so well because adults were able to enjoy it at the same time, something I thought they had considered seeing as Prince of Persia was a PG13, the second Disney film to do so after Curse of the Black Pearl. But instead it's more style over substance, and not much style at that either. This film has been so long in the making that it has totally missed a crucial selling point of the last year, and that is 3D. Something like this could have benefited hugely from being in 3D instead of relying on it's 2D action and unsubtle script and you'd have thought Disney wouldn't miss such a money-making trick, but in fact it has.

Gyllenhaal does make a good action hero, not only does he look buff but his English accent is near passable and he can definitely work the part; but you feel he is wasted in a character as 2D as it's image. Arteton makes the most out of her annoying Princess, but she did impress me seeing as I hadn't thought much of her before this and the two of them together works quite well, even though it sometimes feels as screwball as It Happened One Night in parts, and not in a good way. Molina doesn't exactly inspire as the comic relief but fares well as someone who seems to think they are working at a market stall in Eastenders and Kingsley (looking like Ming the Merciless) is clearly laughing all the way to the bank. Another strange and almost racist (Disney racist? Surely not!) fact I noticed was that all the Persians were white. Heavily made up with orange make-up and eyeliner, all the main parts were Caucasian while everyone else in the background, wasn't. Looking into this Rey-Phillip Santos was supposed to play Garsiv and Golshifteh Farahani was supposed to play Tamina and you would have thought putting some ethnicity into the cast would have helped, especially since Arteton seemed to be the only white woman in her kingdom.

Overall, this is a kid's film and should be treated as such. It could be shorter but has enough going on to keep the little ones interested although as an adult, I wouldn't go see it unless I had to. If you're expecting another Pirates of the Caribbean, then expect more At World's End rather than Curse of the Black Pearl or better yet, just buy the new Prince of Persia game when it comes out because I'm sure that you and your kids will enjoy it more than this.

Rating: 4/10

Whatever Happened To Baby Jane?

What is considered to be a classic, we put this 1962 movie under the light to see if it still stands up today. But I never expected it to be like this ...

In case you're not aware of it already, here's the background to this film. Bette Davis and Joan Crawford were huge in their day (Crawford was arguably one of the most gorgeous women ever) but by the Sixties, things had changed. The pair were in their mid-Fifties and their careers had bombed but Robert Aldrich was able to talk them into taking the roles, which was tough considering that both actresses famously hated each other. You thought celebrity spats these days were bad, these girls were the Queens of bitchiness and made it clear too all and sundry that they couldn't think less of the other. How these two could share a movie together people had thought would be near impossible, well, it almost was ...

The arguing was constant on-set and even got to the point where Davis apparently kicked Crawford in the head so hard she needed stitches (though this is unreliable as Crawford is out of shot during this scene), and as her body was dragged, Crawford had put weights under her jumper making Davis strain her back muscles to the point where she couldn't move properly afterwards. But this tension looked incredible on the screen and earned Davis an Oscar nomination, which infuriated Crawford to the point where she called all the other nominees in the category who couldn't be there if she could pick it up on their behalf and, when Anne Bancroft won, Crawford delightfully walked up stating 'Step aside' to Davis as she collected the award on Bancroft's behalf. There was nothing these two wouldn't do. Though it gave their careers a bit of a kick-start, it didn't last for long, but this movie still makes top film lists and Baby Jane herself occasionally pops up as one of the greatest movie villains.

So what's it all about? Davis plays Baby Jane who used to be a child star, but then her dowdy sister Blanche suddenly became a Hollywood sensation leaving Baby Jane to then live in her sister's shadow. After an accident where Jane was accused of hitting Blanche with a car, Blanche is left crippled and Jane is left to look after her. So the story really starts where the old sisters are living in a nice big house in the suburbs with nosy neighbours and Jane is completely full of bitterness, especially because the TV is currently playing all Blanche's old films. As the movie progresses, Jane becomes increasingly more psychotic and ends up abusing, torturing and more to her poor wheelchair-bound sister. That's basically it. It's based on the Henry Farrell novel and is considered to be one of the greatest psycho-thrillers ever, almost Hitchcockian in it's standards and to be honest they're right in thinking that.

Davis' Oscar nomination was well deserved. Her make-up is caked on, she looks awful on purpose and her dissent into madness is terrifying as it is interesting. Though Crawford may have been jealous of Davis' nomination, it's because the character is just incredible, and Crawford might look amazing (strangely even more so near the end when she's dying and the fact she was like 58 - which was worrying both to me and my girlfriend) but she doesn't chew up the scene as much as Davis does. Her character arc is incredible, it's not as much an arc as a full circle, she ends up how she started. It's actually halfway through the film where she is at her meanest, after this point she starts to regress and by the end of the film she is a child again performing in front of an audience (though in different circumstances) and falls back in love with her sister, it's incredible to watch.

There is also a huge Oedipal complex, her love for her late father is creepy to say the least and her interest in the strange Edwin, a much younger man, borders on the sick. His close ties with his mother (or Delia as he calls her) reflects his interest in Jane, though he would probably suggest to himself it's for financial reasons, it is clearly sexual as he is as estranged, disturbed and lonely as Jane is. But my God, is she disturbing. People might watch through their hands at films like Saw, but this is true horror in that, it's completely believable. Jane is obsessed with her child-like image including her dresses, her creepy dolls and more, which is bad enough, let alone watching her sing songs about her Daddy, this absolutely chilled me to the bone and filled me with horror more than any other 'horror' film could. It was disturbing as hell to watch and yet still pathetic and sad. It's also clear that as mentally sick as Jane is, you can see how she has become so bitter and twisted. Living under her sister's shadow you realise that she is full of guilt for hurting her sister and resents her for it, she also resents Blanche for her martyrdom to the cause, the pretty 'damsel in distress', and I'd imagine it would become impossible to live with yourself, especially since she is clearly a self-destructive alcoholic. Blanche's insistent buzzing in itself is enough to drive the viewer crazy, let alone Jane, and my guess is she's sick of herself and the only way to deal with it, is to become what she once was, to reclaim her innocence when everything was wonderful.

The increasing tension between the two sisters also becomes unbearable, when lifting a lid to see what you have been given for dinner is a harrowing experience, you know you're in for a ride. Davis might be the more interesting character but that's taking nothing away from Crawford, her plight in her wheelchair is representative to the frustration she is consumed with, which you realise at the end, and her quiet nature is incredibly passive and heartbreaking at the same time. She is bullied beyond belief and you completely sympathise with her and it's her solo scenes where she really shines through which, when approaching the staircase, never before has something seemed so impossible. The staircase is a constant threat, it's the pathway to Jane's diseased lair and to the exit, an increasingly impossible task to reach.

How the director could deal with two such divas is impressive, but the actual camerawork is incredible, a low swinging bulb almost acts as a makeshift stage light as Jane loses her grip on reality. The pace is perfect and Aldrich has done an absolutely incredible job in not only squeezing out some incredible performances, but also in his ability to pull everything together under unusual circumstances and make such amazing results, the five Oscar nominations prove others thought so too. Films like Misery have tried to pull off the trapped victim story but never has it been so good. It goes to show how far a good story and some simple plot devices work. They might both be crippled in their own way, but Baby Jane has to be one of the most disturbing characters on-screen. You want to know what happened to Baby Jane? Go out and watch it.

Rating: 10/10

Centurion

Neil Marshall takes us back to ye olde England during the beginning of Hadrian's Wall where the locals weren't happy and war was rife. So can the 'Marshall War Movie' as it's being dubbed live up to it's high expectations? There's only one way to find out. When in Rome...

When Neil Marshall came on the scene, I was excited to see another great British director who wasn't afraid to do what he wants. Unfortunately, that's also his downfall. Sure, I enjoyed Dog Soldiers but I didn't think it was as amazing as others did, but then when The Descent was released I was rocked to the core by how incredible it was. To this day, I still think it's one of the best horror films ever made and in my eyes Marshall could now do no wrong. Until Doomsday was released last year. What the hell was that? I still respected it for trying to be an Eighties B-Movie flick and thought that perhaps it just went a little wrong. That is until I saw Centurion, which now makes me think Marshall just had a stroke of luck with The Descent.

Even after my disappointment with Doomsday, I still came in to Centurion dead excited. What's not to like? The Roman Empire in Britain, Fassbender and Dominic West (better known as McNulty) - surely it's got to be a little bit good at least? Well you'd think so...

The problem is that I don't really know what it wanted to be. It begins as some Roman war movie against the savage Picts, then turns to a rescue mission, then a chase movie. It starts off well enough as you get introduced to the characters but then once the Romans are attacked on the road, instead of turning it up to 11, it goes down to a chilly 2. From then on, it's boring as heck. Fassbender wants to recover their general who is at the enemy camp, so after some lying low they get there and whoops, without revealing it, something goes wrong so then they have to run back to safety. There is only three of them at this point, and they are being chased by about four enemies. There's the classic injured party they have to drag along and the kind woman (wasn't she the borderline-legal-yet-amazing daughter from 28 Weeks Later?) who looks after them. That's basically it without giving too much of the predictable plot away.

In it's favour, the acting is great. Fassbender is incredible as always and it's just lucky that it's him as the main character or it would have been Doomsday all over again, West is also clearly enjoying revelling around as a mad Roman General and even, dare I say it, Noel Clarke didn't fuck me off quite like how he usually does. They even came up with the great idea of having Olga Kurylenko as a mute so she doesn't have to explain her accent or really even act, just stand around looking pretty. But the set pieces and the fact nearly everything is on such a small scale made it look more like a BBC drama than a full-blown cinematic experience. The final big fight is laughable and there is no sense of scale or even a timeframe during the entire film, the whole chase could have lasted less than a week for all I know, maybe it did? There is also not much about the Pict tribe, who are clearly more interesting and I would have liked to have seen more of and there is hardly any sense of danger, or foreboding, or dread when our heroes keep getting caught up with by their enemies. This is mainly due to the fact that Fassbender's character has already been proven to be a great warrior and you just feel like he could take them all on, let alone with the help of the others. Why be so scared of them? Is it because they have horses?

The extremely brief side story of the other two who got separated is completely unnecessary, to the point where I thought they were taking the piss and it was going to explode into some massive thing. Which it didn't. When they get to Hadrian's wall, the rest is utter nonsense. Without giving it away, the idea that Fassbender can do what he did and just walk away is mind-blowing and again, lazy writing.

There is also emphasis on how gory it is and yes, the blood and gore though CG'd to death, is pretty good, but nothing to go crazy about. They also seem to have only two sound effects for swords and the editing during this is horrible, it's literally about a hundred sword swooshes (baring in mind there seems to be only two different ones available) all to a regular beat, which makes it irritating over anything else. You know things are going wrong when during a bar brawl at the beginning, you couldn't have asked for anything to look more fake. Spot as many real-looking punches as you can, and I'd be surprised if you could count them on both hands.

Marshall takes pride in the fact that his shoots are short, but to enter into a film with such ambition is terribly self-destructive. Remember Kubrick would do a thousand takes just for someone to pick up a cup or something as mundane as that and if it's slap-dash to make, it will show on the screen. I respect the fact that he wants to do his own thing, but sometimes you can't be so arrogant to think that every idea you have is a great idea. I really hoped this would be good, but I had a horrible feeling it might be kind of crap and instead it hit even lower than that. It calls itself a Survival Thriller, and I'm sure it will be thrilled if it survives.

Rating: 4/10

Hot Tub Time Machine

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She's Out Of My League

A rom-com for people who liked The Hangover, but is this a hard ten or a big fat zero? The Wild Bore checks if this is out of everyone's league.

There's something about this new breed of rom-com's for men that leaves a sour taste in my mouth. That's mostly because it covers up shit with clever 'guy jokes' where fraternity is key but true love for the girl wins all. This latest incarnation of such a formula comes with an unbeknowest British twist because not only is Alice Eve from London, but the director is also British having really only worked as a writer on Fur TV. How did he get this gig? Well, it certainly accounts for the poor editing and general uninspiring directing where luckily performance is key.

That's where She's Out Of My League comes into it's own. I enjoyed the performances of everyone involved and they all worked well and definitely made up for the simplistic nature of the film. Jay Baruchel is perfectly cast and Nate Torrence cracked me up but I really do wonder how much of this was the writing, and I'm guessing it's not as much as I would have liked. Both Sean Anders and John Morris have got Hot Tub Time Machine coming out and I think it will prove to see if they really are any good as they haven't got much of a history in Hollywood, or anywhere.

The story of a geeky nerd getting the hot girl isn't anything new either but it works for the twenty-somethings who have grown up with American Pie but want something more mature than the recent teen fodder, but not too old like the characters in The Hangover. There's the classic montage scene, the breaking up and the final 'we-belong-together' scene - let's be honest I'm not giving anything away here by announcing the tried and tested formula of a million films before it because if you think this might be something different, it's not.

There's not much else to say about this film, some of the jokes did make me laugh. The family and his mates are great and there are some good scenes, but I found the actual relationship rather boring. I didn't really care that much if they ended up together because I was too busy concentrating on everyone else, which makes it a McGuffin of sorts, which I'm guessing isn't what they wanted.

Overall, this film is a great no-brainer to take a date to but you can also go with your mates and not get embarrassed. You will enjoy it but I doubt the people who thought The Hangover was amazing (it wasn't) will go crazy for it just as much and get the DVD, probably best for them to wait for the sequel or keep watching Ed Helms in The Office. It's a nice little picture with a classic gross-out edge, but essentially it's the same old shit as before.

Rating: 6/10

Trailer Trash

Taking a look at trailers for films to come, The Wild Bore picks out what looks good and what looks shit in this quickfire round.

Vincere



Based on the story of Mussoluini's wife and charting his rise to power, this film did well at Cannes last year and looks set to be a classic Oscar film - should it have not been Italian. Worth checking out.

Rating: 4/5


Tekken



Oh dear. I was a tiny bit excited about this, but it's yet again proof not to make a film out of the pure basics of a video game. At least Tekken the game had a bit of a good story to it, three generations of men all fighting for power. However, this looks like the classic boy from the slums wins the big tournament. The only reason to watch is to see actors dressed as your favourite characters. That's it. It looks shit.

Rating: 1/5


Repo Men



I hate Jude Law but it looks like I might be able to withstand him in this role as an agent which collects organs in a great futuristic setting. But what happens when his own company asks for their 'product' from out of his body? It's interesting to see if Law can pull off the whole action hero thing that he has tended to stay away from. Overall though, this could be a semi-decent action piece.

Rating: 3/5

The Switch



This rom-com looks like it could be funny....ish. Main good points are that it has Jason Bateman and Jeff Goldblum in (who SERIOUSLY needs to be in more stuff) but unfortunately it has Jennifer Aniston in it (groan). All about a guy who switches his sperm with a donor which will impregnate his bezzie mate. The kid comes out just like him! Oh noooo! It's gonna be shit, but it might be bearable enough to go on a date on. It's by the Little Miss Sunshine people as well, so there must be something in it.

Rating: 2/5

The Greatest



Handkerchiefs at the ready. This weepie looks set to get those spring hearts even warmer as we see young love destroyed and a memory kept alive by a young baby. Pierce Brosnan looks like he gets a decent dramatic role, something he hasn't done for a while British sensation Carey Mulligan proves she's not just a one-trick pony. Doesn't look too soppy, but fairly watchable.

Rating: 3/5

The Mechanic



Basically, another Transporter film right? Well it's classic Statham action as he takes on the role of a hitman but has been training up Ben Foster (whom I love). More explosions, people shooting stuff and a lot of running about. Brain dead stuff and doesn't really stand out.

Rating: 2/5

Eat, Pray, Love



Does anyone remember when Julia Roberts ruled the world? I do. Just. Well here she is again playing a woman who decides to let everything go and travel round the world and open up her mind. That's it. Based on some memoirs that did pretty well or something, I doubt it'll rock your world, but it'll probably make you want to go travelling.

Rating: 2/5


Megamind



This is just a teaser but looks interesting. Animated film by Dreamworks where Brad Pitt is doing a voice, has he done this before? I'm not sure. Will Ferrell, Tina Fey and Jonah Hill are also involved so it might actually be quite decent.

Rating: 3/5

Predators



AMAZING! Can't wait. Robert Rodriguez takes the Predator franchise and makes it his own. With a great cast including (strangely) Adrien Brody, Rodriguez regular Danny Trejo, Morpheus himself Laurence Fishburne, and SHANE from THE SHIELD! Wooo! aka Walton Goggins. This deals with a group of highly trained killers taken to an island where they are being hunted by a whole bunch of Predators. Can't wait for this - fanboy magic! Better be good.

Rating: 5/5

Clash Of The Titans



If you haven't seen this already, where have you been? This looks like it will be one of the most incredible films to be released this year. The fact that it is in 3D and iMax means that it might even beat Avatar on the exhileration scale. If you haven't already seen it, then make sure you give this a click

Rating: 5/5

Tron Legacy



My God. This might be the film of the year for me. This trailer is definitely one of the best trailers I've seen (I saw it in 3D and on iMax - incredible). It looks like it has taken all the great things from the first Tron and made it even better. The first Tron was one of my favourite films as a kid and I must have seen it a million times. I cannot wait for this and neither should you. Crazy Heart? Crazy Fart! Let's see Jeff Bridges in his REAL best role ever. Check out the trailer and tell me what you think.

Rating: 5/5

Knight & Day



The Diaz/Cruise team-up sees Tom returning to his action best. This trailer actually looks quite good if it wasn't for Diaz acting like, basically, a silly little girl. Definitely worth checking out. Light hearted action means something you can take the Mrs too without feeling too guilty.

Rating: 3/5

Inception



This will be one of the most talked about films this year. The teaming up of the incredible Christopher Nolan and DiCaprio looks set to rock people's socks off. Take a look at this incredible trailer and see what I mean. You'll be creaming yourself soon.

Rating: 5/5

Cyrus



I'm still not sure if John C Reilly can do comedy. I think it's a passion of his but I'm not quite sure if he can really pull it off. However, this nice little film (which is NOT an indie despite what people are calling it) seems quite funny as Jonas Hill and Reilly go head to head as he dates Hill's mum. Worth a look!

Rating: 3/5

Despicable Me



This has been banging about for a while and I don't know why it keeps getting pushed back, but this latest animation features the voice of Steve Carrell, Russell Brand, Danny McBride and Jemaine Clement to name but a few, so should be good - although the trailer looks poo.

Rating: 3/5

Legend of the Guardians



300 & Watchmen director Zack Snyder takes on a completely CG project as he does his first kids film. About owls. This is based on a popular children's books and is basically about some warrior owls. Not for me I'm afraid ...

Rating: 2/5

Four Lions



I remember meeting Chris Morris years ago and was travelling in a car with him. I asked him what his plans were for the future and he told me he was working on a comedy about terrorists, but that was all he could say. I didn't see anything come up about it until now and this looks absolutely incredible. Watch this clip, it'll make you laugh big time. Promise. Who knew terrorism could be so bloody funny?!

Rating: 5/5

Best Worst Movie



If, like me, you used to stay up as a kid watching Bravo to see all the shit 70s/80s horror flicks that would never see the light of day now. Then you have to watch this. It's tearing up the festival circuit as a documentary about cult favourite Troll 2. Unlike a lot of bad films, this shows how such an awful film can make such an impact on society and delves into the idea of cult films. Check this trailer out, you'll love it.

Rating: 5/5

Hot Tub Time Machine



A bit of comedy where a group of guys travel back to the 80s. Definitely one big nostalgia trip which has John Cusack (not known for his comedy), Daryl from The Office and some other guys in it. Oh and Chevy Chase. It looks quite funny so have a look and see what you think.

Rating: 3/5

Heavy Rain

A game that was set to revolutionise the Playstation 3 by suggesting the word 'gaming' has gone out the window to make way for what the producers call 'interactive drama' - but does it work?

This is a bold step forward for a game to take. It has based itself purely on the God Of War mode of playing by tapping buttons at the right time but taken it one step further. You, in essence, are using the controller like an extra limb that acts as a conduit into the virtual world. Moving the controller by swiping it to one side could perhaps act as a punch, tilt it slowly to take a drink, shake it to free yourself from a choke, use it as a steering wheel as you drive through the rain at 100MPH or just simply scramble some eggs. Does this method of gameplay work? In theory, yes. I enjoyed throwing the controller about, pushing buttons at the right time, trying to keep hold of some in sequence to keep the action going, but it's biggest drawing point is also it's biggest flaw...

As much as I enjoyed the more menial tasks of opening a fridge and making sure my kid goes to bed in time, it sometimes got a bit annoying and I was getting so used to pushing the buttons a certain way that it started to lose it's edge. It just got a bit too easy. There were also times, where pivotal scenes would come up with certain different options of using your control for different results, and I was slightly confused as to what they meant - one of which caused an accidental death. In the game of course. But these were minor flaws to an innovative way of drawing you into the action - and it was the action that kept me staying there.

It's about 8 or 9 hours of gameplay in total, but I would be hooked for long periods at a time which always makes it feel shorter. It's also divided up nicely in short chapters that keeps the narrative going forward and it's the narrative that is really where this game stands up. It feels like a great crime thriller novel put onto a screen in a way that the film industry could not do. The story of the Origami Killer is a great one, full of twists and turns, and chock-a-block with action. You take control of mainly one of four characters - an old film noir style private eye, an FBI drug addict, a sexy young reporter and a father who has lost his way. Straight from the off, you are already emotionally involved with these characters, they all have problems and the setting of a dark, constantly raining environment reflects the tone of the whole piece. It is about the darker side of human psychology and how we have to deal with the problems of the past to face the future. Deeeeeeeeep. However, there are still things that don't add up. Why was the father (Ethan) waking up in the rain after a blackout? I can only reason/hope that I need to play it again to find out ...

The general story is the Origami Killer preys on small children and drowns them in the rain. But there's something darker afoot as the father's all seem to either disappear or keep silent ... Moving from action to emotion to thrills, chills and spills the game flows naturally into a deep, multi-layered tale that keeps every aspect of the audience happy. It's dark subject matter also brings up the question of what you would do in such a situation - you can easily walk away from certain scenarios, but it will affect the outcome of the game and it's this aspect that will keep me coming back to Heavy Rain now that I have finished it. However, there is one major flaw with this impressive set-up - and that is that you don't seem to die. Seeing as the perspective shifts, you sometimes find it difficult to invest too much into one character. The only person you relate to the most is the father, mainly because he gets most of the fun stuff. But the problem is that, if you know whatever happens you won't 'lose' as such, it takes out the jeopardy of playing the game. It got to the point where I was thinking, I could potentially do anything and the story will go on regardless, which means that the sheer terror your characters go through doesn't come across as much as it should. Which is a shame, because at some points I felt like I was in Silent Hill - alone, a bit scared and not sure what would come at me at any second. The movement and camera angles work, but can be frustrating at times, you find yourself walking like a retard (no offence) following the direction of your head, which is just weird. You can also forget that you can change the camera angles, which means sometimes you're standing around wondering what to do next, until you see an icon in the corner of your eye that you need to change angle to see. Apart from that, the cinematic quality of the game is amazing - the 24-esque multi-window control pieces reminds me of Metal Gear Solid 4 and the general feel of the game is very smooth regardless of it's few flaws. The directing is incredible with great camerwork and some incredible set pieces that really do make the game.

You can tell an absolutely huge amount of work has gone into this from the great (British) casting to the graphics through to the writing. Everything works wonders and for it's sheer originality, it has set a benchmark for others to stand up to. Gaming might sound childish, but interactive drama is definitely for the grown-ups. The future of gaming starts here - get on board!

Rating: 9/10

Gentlemen Broncos

Can Jared Hess live up to the excitement he created with Napoleon Dynamite? Or is it another disappointing Nacho Libre? Actually, it's somewhere in the middle - but whereabouts is up to you.

For me, Napoleon Dynamite was a gift from above. Everything about it was funny and it still has it's affect on today's culture (geek chic, "Vote For Pedro" etc.) but it was mainly because it was just, well, different. People criticised it for not really having a story, that they found it all a bit weird and didn't understand why it was funny. Everyone's got a right to an opinion, even a wrong one, and for sheer style, innovation and bollocks alone, Hess deserves some credit.

So with Gentlemen Broncos, not only does it have yet again another amazing title sequence, but it takes everything that was great about Dynamite and fuses it with everything that was great about Nacho Libre (mainly the colourful palette, the Mexican partner and the "Hero's Journey" narrative). Our protagonist, Benjamin, is a creative writer who sees his work get plagiarised and also turned into a crappy film, a statement against Hollywood for Hess perhaps, but the main jist is that he turns from a shy, nerdy recluse to an outspoken, brave young man. Which makes it essentially a coming of age story. Yawn.

Luckily, it is actually really funny but unfortunately after a while does start to wane slightly. Our main guy holds his own but his whole love fling with this selfish, shitty bitch is just a bit nonsensical, but it does feature perhaps the best kiss ever captured on film. You'll know what I mean when you see it. It starts to get a bit much after a while and you want him to be accepted sooner - the narrative starts to outweigh the comedy slightly, but just about keeps afloat with some proper hilarious gags.

Another main feature is "Flight of the Conchords" Jermaine, who is incredible and surely one of the funniest characters we've seen in cinema. Okay, that might be taking it a bit too far, but his sci-fi author must be seen to be believed - as are the other side characters. His 'guardian angel', mother and 'producer' are great but, for me, still fall short of the cast of Napoleon. The little inserts of the film with Sam Rockwell are also hilarious and give a welcome distraction to the sometimes woeful experiences teenage Benjamin goes through.

The focus on the strange science fiction culture underbelly proves to be a much more successful bet than Mexican wrestling and Hess has clearly made something a bit more personal than before. If you want to watch a good comedy with some great character actors then go see this. It's not as good as Napoleon Dynamite but better than Nacho Libre - and it's possible it might even top both for you. Also hang on until after the end credits for a little surprise....

Rating: 8/10