REVIEW: The Illusionist

Sylvain Chomet's Oscar nominated animation is apparently taken from a script written by Jacques Tati in 1956 as a letter to his daughter. If anyone else fondly remembers 2003 Belleville Rendez-Vous then they would have waited a long time for this to finally be released - and it's well worth the wait.


The Illusionist is about a French magician who does some work in London and then gets invited to Scotland. Once there, a young girl is soon mesmerised by his tricks and he soon takes her under his wing. However, her demands get more and more expensive and soon our Illusionist has to start keeping afloat by doing more than tricks.

Firstly, before we delve further into the plot, it has to be said that this film is visually stunning. It feels like this animation style is what Disney should have been doing, it's a beautiful, nostalgic work of art and every scene flows with such grace that Pixar, Disney, Dreamworks or whoever should be ashamed of what they've done because this is true animation, and it shows. You can tell that every scene, every frame in fact, has been lovingly tended to and in 90 minutes that's a hell of a lot of frames. Every single one is like a picture and because of its setting in 1956, its quaint, whimsical nature really touched me, the colours, settings and slightly anti-modern feel of the piece is a magical, old-school visual pleasure that is tough to pinpoint. This is from the very first frame, so you can imagine what I was like by the end. The film took a huge time longer than was budgeted but it has been well worth the wait and I couldn't help but feel it might be the finest animation I've ever seen.

What you will also notice is there is almost no dialogue. Instead, there's sounds and the odd word here and there but you could watch it with the sound off and, even though you'd miss out on the rich score, you would know exactly what was going on. The only problem I had was the story ...

The magician is from the old music hall type of entertainment. He's a proud man whose magic is quite astounding but clearly doesn't let people's disinterest dishearten him, instead he professionally turns up and does his bit, even if it's quite depressing. Going on after a rock'n'roll band for instance, shows the clear contrast between two generations and how he is holding on to a dying trade - he is in fact disillusioned. The whole time his eyes are somewhat closed and he goes through the motions without paying attention to the fact that people don't care. There's also the matter of his frame, he is fairly old, very tall, and very awkward looking gentleman. He is also clearly lonely with nothing but his angry rabbit to keep him company and it looks like everything he owns can fit in a tiny case. It's sad yet somewhat admirable that he stays true to his magic which he knows should be deemed impressive and to us as the audience, it is. The rest of this will have some spoilers but there's no twists or anything but you might want to skip ahead.

His gorgeous travels to Scotland land him a short gig in a pub where the suburban people are amazed by his talents and soon a young girl starts believing his magic is real. This man can make shoes appear, he can even make it snow! Unfortunately, the man doesn't want to reveal it's all a trick and would rather keep up the charade than admit it's all a joke, he wants to keep her as disillusioned as himself. When she rides with him to Edinburgh, we start to see the greed of materialism and city life worm its way into her head. She begins to want more and more and they move into a small hotel with other circus-like acts - a depressed clown, a disturbing ventriloquist and three happy Yankee acrobats. Our girl is soon asking for handouts and the magician starts working nights and soon sells himself out by working for a promotions company and wearing all pink.

However, the girl soon starts seeing a young gentleman and the magician notices. Sadly, he leaves her with some money and a note declaring magic isn't real. As he sits on a train, a young girl looking very much like the girl from before has lost her short pencil looking very similar to the magicians longer one. As he makes it 'appear' he hands her back the smaller one. It's a significant gesture about life, he has had to deal with the real world, is sick of giving and not receiving and as he looks at a photo of his daughter, it's clear that he has come to terms with whatever guilt he has felt towards an obviously painful past. He has helped the girl move on to womanhood and cared for her as best he could. In those simple few last seconds, it's subtle imagery brings a depth to the film that you weren't even aware of, especially since it was a rather deep, moving film to begin with.

The initial set-up for the relationship looked like it could be a romantic, perhaps even sexual one, but it's clear that neither of them are interested. Like perhaps 'Leon', it is merely two people finding themselves in a certain reality. It's only when he sees a moving picture of someone similar backing away, 'leaving' a girl's voice saying 'papa' that he realises he has been a father to the girl, that it is now time to leave her. It's something so small yet so telling.

The girl herself is awkwardly pretty, her age unclear and her innocent yet selfish motives are rather child-like, just like a baby wants a toy it doesn't think about cost, merely the want. In fact it's telling of the economy, the constant borrowing without paying back, consumerism, materialism, the jobs of the little people drying up, the gap between rich and poor, old and young. It's messages are simple and yet multi-layered, all just through the most subtle of movements and gestures made from hand-drawn animations.

It might border on patronising for something that people might consider slow and boring, but this really should have won the Oscar over Toy Story 3. It is a real work of art and I cannot emphasise what a warm, yet emotional feeling it left me with. Every character, no matter how small, is a complex individual and you really feel they have their own world separate to this. It's incredible in fact that in this huge, bustling, beautiful, hand-drawn world they've created, the story decides to focus on two small characters in a strange Fifties 'Lost In Translation'.

My only criticism is that the girl really did annoy me and it was hard to sympathise with her. She came across as just too simple at times and the poor magician was trying so hard for her that as you saw her eloping with another gentleman it made you feel slightly angry. It was a weird mix of emotions that I didn't feel sat right, which isn't to say it's a bad thing just I was confused as to what they wanted to convey. It became clear that the story was just as much a coming-of-age film for the young girl than anything else, his message of magic not being real is a very bold way of telling her it's time to grow up. He has helped how he could and it's now time to move on.

The magical world they both live in, and the final photo reveal, shows that hiding in magic is often easier than the truth and, as beautiful as it might seem, it's in fact a lie. The illusion is that it's a film and of course not real but the bigger illusion beneath this is the fact that it's all just hand-drawn frames moving together. The film itself is magic and perhaps Chomet is The Illusionist but the magical world he has set for us is one I'd love to be inside time and again in the future.

Rating: 9/10

NEWS: Johnny Depp In New Oz Flick!

Disney Lose Robert Downey Jr But Gain Johnny Depp In New Sam Raimi Film Concerning Oz.

Apparently a lot of studios are trying their best to get some Oz flicks off the ground as quick money spinners. Obviously the 3D sensation and the classic recession 'escapism' that brings people into cinemas means Disney want to get in there as quick as possible and so have declared a film about the Doctor getting to Oz pre-Dorothy, it's set to be called "Oz The Great & Powerful".

As much as I love Depp, he's losing his integrity a bit for me now and this can only hinder it really. I'd like to see him doing something worth watching, but what do you guys think?

Tron: Legacy

After reviewing the Tron Legacy soundtrack and the Tron Evolution tie-in game, finally here is the review for Tron: Legacy - and it certainly is a Merry Christmas for one and all.


Before starting to delve into The Grid and it's inhabitants, I have to start by saying I've always been a huge Tron fan. As a kid, I would often pick up Tron again and again to watch over and over and has always had a special place in my heart, so when the initial concept footage for Tron 2 was released, you could imagine my excitement. Since then, I've been cautious not to get too over-excited. Sure the trailers look incredible, Daft Punk (whom I adore) were signed on to do the music, Jeff Bridges was going to do it, it was going to be 3D and also in IMAX. I had to bestill my beating heart that every time I get over-excited about a film, it very often disappoints and I didn't want that to happen here. Not to Tron. Please.

As readers know, I didn't rate the game very highly but Daft Punk's score got top marks (both reviews can be found on the right hand side or on Youtube's 'thewildboretv' channel) and once the film was released it got some very mixed reviews but I tried my best to keep out of it until I'd seen the final product myself, which was in centre seats at Waterloo's IMAX by the way.

If you don't know already, Tron Legacy takes place after the events of Tron (but not Tron 2.0 - the PC game for those non-geeks) where Kevin Flynn is taking advantage of being able to enter digital space by playing God and creating his own world. However, random beings, pieces of code or whatever they are, called ISO's have turned up and inside them could be the answers to the Universe, apparently. However, Flynn's 'supervisor' program Clu has a lot of ideas above his station and believes the ISO's to be imperfections and thus destroys them in The Purge (events of Tron Evolution). Kevin Flynn is banished and is hiding out with the beautiful Olivia Wilde (Quorra). Meanwhile, Sam Flynn, heir to his father's company, is busy causing havoc and being a rebel in the real world until he enters The Grid where luckily all his extreme sports hobbies come in good use.

Firstly the visuals are probably the best I've seen in anything, ever. It looks fucking cool and is absolutely incredible to witness. The first time we see the Tron world, it's unlike anything I've ever seen before. In this respect, the 3D-ness (is there a word for it?) works perfectly and it's the best use of 3D effects I've seen yet, and yes that's including Avatar. However, there is one massive flaw and I've seen it crop up time and time again in reviews - and that's the young Jeff Bridges as Clu. It simply doesn't work. It looks like Tom Hanks from The Polar Express or something, it is clearly animated and really stands out as he stands next to real people. It's a shame that technology has come leaps and bounds but actors don't have to worry, because recreating actual people won't be an issue for a while. It's a shame because it takes away from the rather dramatic scenes rather than adding to it.

The script is slightly flawed and they try to push in some key lines inbetween the set pieces but it's mainly because the pace is so incredibly fast. From disc wars to light cycle races to hand to hand combat the action is relentless and slows down in the right places to put it into context. If anything it's too textbook. Ever since Disney began, their writers were apparently handed out a guide to The Hero's Journey, a simple guide to Joseph Cambell's 'Hero Of A Thousand Faces', and it's essentially a template to creating an engaging storyline and one that can be traced as far back as Greek mythology and beyond. I know of it because I did a whole blooming thing on it in University. But Tron Legacy follows it point by point without missing a step which means that it might be simple but yet it's a familiar story, much like Star Wars or The Matrix but they had more depth. In fact, what Tron Legacy is missing, which is key, is the sense that it's part of a bigger thing and it feels way too self-contained without much knowledge of the actual geography of the place. To some this might seem indifferent, but subconsciously it works to give you a sense of realism and interaction. An example I often use is Alien, you often feel like you know the layout of the ship and it's a highly successful way of allowing your imagination fully integrate with the film by creating, arguably, boundaries. It's not saying you have to know where everything is, just that you realise that it's a part of the bigger picture. Unfortunately, there's not enough sense of what goes on inside The Grid and you're a bit confused as to where everything is. Why would they put the games arena right at the edge of the Outlands for instance? It sounds like nit-picking but I feel subconsciously people pick these things up, which is often why people find it hard to summarise why they did or didn't like a film. Pop psychology there folks or perhaps just slightly patronising.

You could argue that the whole point of The Grid in digital space is that it is infinite and these are programs, not living people, but I wanted there to be a bit more time in the 'city' part of the Tron Legacy world. What do these programs get up to? Do they couple off? Is it a working society? Why do they have to eat? Where is the food coming from? People can take it at face value but these are questions I found myself wanting to know the answers to after I left. Not in a geeky way of knowing every detail, more a way of wanting to understand the world more.

What's great about this storyline though is that a huge amount of history, myths and religion can be compared to it. Everything from the Nazi's, Cain and Abel, Darwinism, The New Testament, The Big Bang, Pat Pong, the Romans etc. could be related to this film and, in a way, the film itself is post-post-modern. A digital world within a digital world within the real world, where does the line end? You could read all sorts into it, that perhaps it is Flynn's purgatory, that it was Sam's dream, that it's the afterlife or perhaps it's just a simple story of a son searching for his father's love. Either way, it's not as superficial as most action films and, although it's not perfect, it's a great attempt to satisfy newcomers and fanboys alike.

The characters work quite nicely, Cillian Murphy makes a brief appearance (and one that will most definitely turn up in a sequel) as Ed Dillinger's son, the main villain in the 1982 Tron film, but it's a great glimpse into what will most certainly be a great sequel to come. Garrett Hedlund is remarkably perfect for Sam Flynn's role, it's never too cocky nor too naive, but does play up to the all-American rebel that tends to be popping up a lot (see Chris Pine in Star Trek as an example). It also made me laugh that his name is Sam and when asked how old he is, he states "27" - "Cor! Just like me! It's like I'm in the bloody film!" - I didn't say that, but I felt like saying it.

Jeff Bridges, I thought, did a great job as well. I had already read that people thought he was too much like The Dude and it had put some people off, however I honestly think it's only because he uses phrases such as 'man' and 'zen', which is a bit like not being able to see the forest for all the trees. People accustomed to the first film will know that Flynn was all about being laid-back and cool, it was pretty much what steered the first film, he had to be forced into action and indeed forced to mature which was the whole point of his journey in Tron. What people also forget is that he would have been a hippy child of the Seventies and seeing as he is trapped in The Grid for twenty odd years, he would not have been privy to cultural movements and therefore it might seem cheesy, but in fact works perfectly for the narrative. I was scared that Bridges would play his role too jolly, too happy-go-lucky like the original Flynn but fortunately, he has a lot more gravitas, probably not as much as I originally hoped (I wanted him to be a dark, angry, almost evil character - something to come perhaps?) but he is still clearly quite disturbed. His black and white grainy dreams looking more like a sketch, as if his dreams of the past are almost like out-of-date technology, which finally come back to colour as he is brought almost 'back to life' in a sense by the return of his son. People might think the journey is about Sam, but I'd argue it might be more about Kevin.

Bridges also plays Clu, who is very child-like and lashes out when he doesn't get his way. Just like in the first film, Kevin Flynn must conquer his immaturity, his fear, his naivety in order to continue, all of which is summed up in Clu. The real stand-out performance for me, for more than one reason is Olivia Wilde as Quorra, her wide-eyed innocence is as effective as her strength in such a powerful feminine role - she is clearly very sexual (the best leather-clad female on-screen since Pfiffer's Catwoman in Batman Returns) but it doesn't define her. Fellow House fans will already know that she is one of the most gorgeous women about at the moment and she certainly proves it here. Her cat-like appearance (and I bloody love cats) helps in her feline performance but she is more than just a love interest, which is respectable these days by itself. She will be on FHM's list next year if she isn't already. Is she?

Martin Sheen as a strange David Bowie character mixes up the seriousness with a bit of zaniness but the whole scene feels rather forced and I felt the club could have been a bit more impressive, even if it does have Daft Punk in it. The rest of the cast do look slightly like extras in a Tron version of The Warriors, or perhaps Emo-Rockers but for all the manliner, it does kind of work.

The whole world feels dark, gloomy, a constant storm hanging overhead, and slightly depressing, but in a good way, it's better than an iPod white future and Daft Punk's music over the top creates an amazing French soundscape that works perfectly into the film. It's further proof that as amazing as certain composers are, sometimes it's good to hand out work to more popular, respected musicians instead of a James Bond-esque title song that artists usually get dumped with. The film also has some light comic relief to stop people thinking it takes itself so seriously, it is after all a Disney film. But advert director Joseph Kosinki has done an incredible job and other gamers out there will recognise his work in the Gears Of War and Halo 3 adverts that did so well.

Watching this film in 3D and especially in IMAX was a treat for the eyes, but it wasn't a perfect spectacle, however it was perfect for me. Okay so it might be a little too close to Star Wars, the Jedi, Storm Troopers, Death Star and all that, but at least it knows it (you'll know what I mean when you see it). It's incredible to watch but is flawed in a few areas which means that speaking objectively I will have to mark it as such. But as a fanboy I'd definitely give a 10/10. May there be many more Tron's to come! I bloody loved it.

Rating: 8/10

Tron Evolution

Just before the world goes Tron crazy, we get a glimpse at Disney's game to coincide with the release. Taking place before the events of Tron Legacy, we delve into The Grid to see what all the fuss is about ...

I was apprehensive of this game for good reasons, the production company behind it had only really done Turok before this, which wasn't exactly inspiring confidence and Disney aren't known for their cutting edge computer games (Kingdom Hearts can suck my balls), so what to make of Tron Evolution?

Well let's set the scene, Flynn introduces us to the game by saying how the system he created has evolved, it's not just computer games now. Instead, it's expanded and there's not just basic programs bouncing around in there either - there's Iso's. These Iso's are entities that have formed on their own and serve no direct purpose and there's unrest in The Grid because of this. After an Iso has gone rogue and become a virus, Clu (who is Flynn's server manager and looks just like him) goes a bit mad and declares war on all Iso's - civil unrest ensues and the virus doesn't help either. So that's basically it.

What follows on from there I still don't know. You run into some people in the way and you have to get places but I'm never sure why and I'm afraid I lost interest not long after the start. This isn't just because of the story, it's for a number of reasons.

The first thing you'll notice is the graphics, it's very slick and the neon lights look great and you'll be immediately impressed. However, on closer inspection you realise it all looks rather the same and begins to hurt your eyes after a while. The close up's and anything that needs real texturing look terrible and the Tron universe is simple and quite barren which doesn't make for much of a sight.

The gameplay is also ridiculously behind-the-times. It plays like Prince of Persia where you hold a button to run up walls and basically do anything fancy, which means you're pressing that button for pretty much the whole game. You run up walls, jump about and do other parkour stuff that seems completely out of place and you'll spend about 80% of your time playing it, just moving from one platform to another. However, it's not as advanced as Uncharted or say, Enslaved, so you can fall off at any point, often don't know where you're supposed to be going or what you're supposed to be doing and will time and time again jump off wrong and end up dead. I must have died well over 200 - 300 times and some of the checkpoints are so stupidly placed that you'll find yourself having to kill a bunch of enemies just to make sure you get that one jump right again, and if you don't get the next one right? Back to kill those enemies again. I cannot tell you how frustrating it all is. The platform aspect of the game is tedious, backward, repetitive and a chore - it's no fun whatsoever.

So when you're not jumping about like a retard, what are you doing? Mostly fighting. Once again, this has been poorly conceived as you often don't know how hard an enemy is hitting and with their sodding flying discs you never know when you should be blocking or hitting. You don't feel any real metaphysical contact when you do hit (that should make sense to the gamers) so you just feel like you're swooshing about and hoping for the best. You have four different types of disc but there's no real grace to it, I often kept with the heavy disc and did an 'area attack' which saw me off pretty much everyone. You have to keep your energy levels up by running, much like a bag of crisps along a checkout counter, against an energy wall thing which gives you health. This often means that in crucial times, you'll often miss it or spend 20 seconds trying to get the run right meaning by then you're already dead and have to start it again. Also by using your 'special' discs, you use up power, so to up your power you hop over desks or little stumps in the ground - no joke. The whole thing is just bloody stupid.

So what about the cool stuff like the bikes? Well, like any good gamer knows, sometimes games have to sacrifice skill for spectacle. Take Call Of Duty's little bike or four wheel excursions, they are fast, furious, and take minimal skill to continue and would rather you enjoy it than have to do it again and again and again. Tron isn't like that. Instead, if you hit anything, or even touch the sides you lose a lot of health, which means instead of flooring it, you have to patiently and slowly make your way round bends and then suddenly know when to speed up at points to get over jumps. When other bikers engage you (there's only 3 I think in the entire game and they don't last longer than ten seconds each) then instead of trying to get them to crash into your light, you just have to outrace them. No 90 degree turns either. Disgraceful.

The tank sequences are also laughable and feel like a PS One game gone awry, it's simple shoot and move mechanics that are so lame it hurts. When you have to battle enemy ones without being in the comfort of your own tank, it takes a while to figure out how to kill them and if their turret so much as brushes you, you're dead. The 'game' sequence where you go up against other programs in gladiator type events is so short that if you blink you'll miss it and is stupidly easy. It feels like an afterthought. Apart from that, that's really it.

What annoys me the most is that because of the lights and the fact your character doesn't say anything it reminds me of Dead Space, which makes me even angrier for some reason, probably because the way it looks is it's only saving grace and it doesn't even stand up to a game released years ago. Overall, there have been worse games out there but this is shockingly bad. Apparently multiplayer mode is an important part, but I can't see it being much fun as the story campaign was infuriating. Don't touch this game, just leave it well alone and hope that one day someone can do Tron justice and, if you're planning to get this on PS Move then good luck because I wouldn't dare.

It's definitely taken a Tron for the worst, but looks pretty at times and, I guess it does have light cycles. It's either clearly been rushed for release or the producers are idiots.

Shame.

Rating: 3/10

Daft Punk - Tron Legacy (OST)

Exclusive Daft Punk music video for "Derezzed" including some never-before-seen footage from Tron Legacy film. Keep reading underneath for the FULL review of the Tron Legacy Soundtrack by Daft Punk.

Daft Punk return with the soundtrack to the upcoming film Tron Legacy, but is this worth gracing your record collection with?

Firstly, this album has to be taken into context. It is, after all, a motion picture soundtrack, it's the score for Disney's Tron Legacy and isn't meant to be a pop album by any means. However, I have a lot of time for music scores - the obvious ones being Hans Zimmer, Danny Elfman, John Williams etc. but I find it extremely satisfying when producers bring in an outside source to give some remarkable results. Think of Air with The Virgin Suicides, the musical genius that is Kevin Shields with Lost In Translation, okay so they are both Sofia Coppola films but still, you get my point. So in this instance, Daft Punk score the new Tron film and it's surprisingly a mature effort from one of the most successful leading dance crossover artists around.

I wouldn't recommend this album if you are expecting a classic Daft Punk album full of riffs, hooks, and samples because it is nothing like they have ever done before. Instead, it takes you on a journey similar to that Vangelis took people on in Blade Runner, it's dark, epic sounds with a synth backbeat is perfect. Now, I used to absolutely love driving at night listening to Vangelis, especially with a cigarette in my hand. It made me feel like I was driving around in a dark, dystopian future in my own world (if you haven't done it, I'd recommend it) but I can't wait to do the same with this album, it creates a subtle yet chilling atmosphere that is perfect for a film score. In particular, half way through the album it picks up the beat slightly and turns into something you'd hear in a futuristic neon nightclub before the final comedown.

The French duo have clearly pulled out all the stops and taken this all incredibly seriously. You have to remember that some of these 22 tracks sound very similar and you'll be hard pushed to distinguish one from the other but it is supposed to be used for running underneath footage, not to release singles from. Also for all you foghorn fans who enjoyed the scores of the incredible Shutter Island and Inception, then there's quite a bit of that for you too. Surely foghorns are the sound of 2010? Not Cheryl Cole. Though they are quite similar perhaps. But the general feel, is that of a dark, post-apocalyptic Eighties B-Movie (which is kind of how Tron's first incarnation might have been regarded) brought up to date and produced to a high quality - which sounds like a perfect combo to me.

After opening song Overture pipes up, you already know you're in for an epic ride and when Jeff Bridges' voice comes in to describe The Grid, you see a world within computers, much like how you could describe Daft Punk's sound and 'then one day ... I got in'. The score then enters as you can almost picture yourself walking into this digital landscape they have created around you. The Son of Flynn has that typical French sound that runs throughout and when Recognizer kicks in, you feel the pace heighten as something dark seems to be gearing up which leads into the disturbing, sinister Armory. Arena then slowly builds up from silence into a Terminator-esque rhythm which feels like a tribal, battle sound that I'm guessing it wants to create. This sweeps nicely into Rinzler, as the battle drums turn more threatening and it builds up with The Game Has Changed and soon, those Inception style horns kick in with that robotic, digital underbelly that only Daft Punk can pull off successfully.

Outlands conjures up a feeling of mystery and intrigue that slows down for Adagio For TRON where a sadness must occur during the film, or something rather emotional as the violins kick in and then soon that dark, digital sound comes back in. This is an example of the entire album really - it builds an epic landscape where the digital sounds are a constant sinister threat and seem to be chasing you throughout, something that I imagine will be the same in the film where, after all, the technology is the enemy.

Nocturne again is a slower song that seems to end the more reflective part of the album and End Of Line comes in with some absolutely amazing synths that put the hairs up at the back of my neck which soon turns into Derezzed which I'm guessing will be remixed to fuck the next coming months and something I could see at any Daft Punk set. It's probably the stand out track of the entire piece and more immediately accessible than the other tracks.

Fall then enters the scene with what you can imagine to be a dramatic moment in the film with a sweeping score until Solar Sailer calms it back down. The horns get going again in Rectifier which clearly describes some strange danger ahead and then melts into Disc Wars (I think we know what scene this might be from). It takes a while to build up, but the French-electro duo once again clearly put their stamp on a track that could have easily sounded like any other big budget Hollywood score. C.L.U is very similar to the song before but with a tinge of violence (maybe it's the Psycho stabs?) before moving down some musical scales into those recognisable threatening horns and then the drum machine coming back in before an abrupt ending.

Arrival is a classic post-event comedown score which you can imagine where the hero is being reflective on the events that have just happened in C.L.U. Flynn Lives (is that a spoiler?!) is another comedown song that is both beautiful, epic and heroic as it builds back up to a fanfare of sorts.

TRON Legacy (End Titles) is again one of the stand out songs. It sounds like an 8-Bit computer game that you can imagine is worth sitting in the cinema afterwards listening to, because you could probably never hear it that loud again for a while. It's simple yet stylised sound is incredible, especially about 1:20 in when those epic synths come in to add that sweeping sound that makes you realise you've probably just watched an incredible action film (which I'm hoping I will). The Finale song you can tell is the big comedown after the preceding songs, and won't be too out of place in Lord of the Rings or something as it majestically rides over those digital beats leaving a satisfied feeling like every good Disney film should have.

One criticism would be that, unfortunately the songs don't really last too long, most being a couple of minutes or so, which means just as a song is gearing up it's over. However, it's the best background music you could have for anything in my opinion and they've done a fantastic job.

I'm not lying when I say this is one of the best score's to a film yet. I can already taste what kind of a film Tron Legacy will be, and if it's anything like the music Daft Punk have created, it's going to be one hell of a film. Maybe they can do us a favour and take this on tour? Maybe I'm revelling in the hype I'm creating, but I've rated this as a film score and NOT as a typical Daft Punk album - remember it's a different kettle of fish. The songs aren't created for the sole audio experience, but as a guide for what you see onscreen and if they can still impress and tell a story without visual aid, then it's got to be good. Which is why I'm giving this...

Rating: 9/10

Now where's my car keys and fags ...

The Sorcerer's Apprentice

Disney turn another old classic into a modern remake that doesn't hold back on action, magic or laughs. It's quite a surprise...

Walking into this I thought it would be another CG-riddled ridiculous Disney money-maker but in all fairness, I quite enjoyed it.

Loosely based on 'Fantasia', Nic Cage (who looks like a weird older version of myself) plays an old wizard looking for Merlin's bloodline which turns up in Jay Baruchel's Dave (who I SWEAR acts just like some weird young Peter Falk) and they have to defeat this evil spirit trapped in a ... doll ... that Alfred Molina's Maxim intends to awaken. There are some other details but that's the basic idea. It obviously deals with confidence, romance, self-belief and I'd like to think the final battle in a fountain is a metaphor for the defeat of a 'wet' incident that plagues the young apprentice to this day, but maybe I'm reading too much into it, after all it's a kids film right?

Cage does his bit as the mentor very well, but you feel like he's holding back at times and too weighed down by the fact he has to take everything seriously to get the plot moving for the reluctant protagonist (which plays the Hero's Journey to a tee). Alfred Molina relishes in his evil persona and looks great doing it, another remarkable turn by one of our well-loved thespians. Which leads me on to one of my favourite British actors Toby Kebbell as he does his best Russell Brand impression as Molina's wacky Essex-boy sidekick. Hell, I don't even mind the love interest too much. Jay Baruchel again does his geeky, awkward acting (which I think is at times a lot better than say Michael Cera) and gets some genuinely funny lines in, but when it all starts getting Disney-esque, where he starts to believe in himself and all that, he does pull it off but you can't help but think he's suddenly jumped into a pool of cheese and left you alone on the sun lounger.

You can't help the Disney edge (or lack of it) and some bits, like the Tesla coils, Monica Bellucci in the end, the ridiculous opening sequence and all that, let it down greatly. Some bits I cracked up in because it was just stupid, not because it was supposed to be funny. The end was just sheer stupidity. But along the way I did enjoy the action scenes, the banter between Cage and Baruchel, the awkward dating scenarios and all that, but there just wasn't enough depth to it to warrant it a must-see. You can pretty much guess what's going to happen in each scene for instance.

However, it's a bit of mindless fun and you can see how it's the same as National Treasure. The kids will love all the magic and nonsense and there's enough for adults to enjoy as well as the teens, so it successfully works on all levels for all audiences. It's just so bloody stupid, cheesy and predictable at times. If you take it for what it is, you won't go wrong. To put it simply, I liked it better than the National Treasures. It gains marks for trying something different at least.

Rating: 7/10

Toy Story 3

Woody and the gang are back in one of the most successful franchises of all time. But should this story have finished a long time ago?

I'm afraid I'm one of these people that doesn't really understand why Toy Story is so popular. I think it's clever, at times funny, but it's so full of cheese and can be so annoying that it makes me want to tear my head off. I can't stand that bloody music they use for one, I detest Tom Hanks' voice (could there be a lamer voice on the planet) and it's just so ... so ... soppy. But saying that, I would go as far as to say this was probably my favourite out of the three.

If you haven't seen it, their master Andy (who they refer to as a friend but their devotion is somewhat unhealthy) is all grown up and going to college, so the toys end up in a school of some sort where things aren't quite as sunny as they seem.

In order to carry on this review, I have to say what bugged me throughout the entire film. Firstly, Woody is the lamest cowboy ever, even for a toy, I mean - what the hell is he wearing? He's such a pansy and it just feels like he was the cowboy that was bullied at school for being 'gay' and so is left in charge of a bunch of losers. Which is probably why they're so appealing. Buzz is it's saving grace but the whole idea of him and his identity issues is made farcical in this after being quite seriously observed somewhat in the last one. The music again is enough to rip my head off, if I hear 'you've got a friend in me' again I might go crazy. But all this I can easily let go if it wasn't for one major, weird aspect which for me stood out like a sore thumb ... Andy.

Now, Andy has grown up to be 17 and is still attached to his toys. 'Cute' some might think, but I think that's just weird. It's clear he's never had a girl round, done anything bad or rebellious and he just feels so, so, so lame. He might as well be 12. I felt like giving him a slap the whole time and telling him to grow up and be a man. 'Oh but it's about letting go' - yeah, AFTER he plays with a little girl for ages that he's never met before. That whole scene made me feel physically sick - I mean, this kid is WEIRD! Go to college and get laid, don't play with 5 year old kids you weirdo! Also, going through puberty, the toys don't seem scarred or anything by any self-abuse that might have happened in his room. I mean, he's still got stars up on the bloody wall! Maybe he's a closet homosexual? It will certainly explain his close relationship with Wood(y). Either way, I developed a strange disposition to Andy that made me scared of what this kid is going to grow up to be (a paedophile). I mean, where the hell are his own friends? The toys should be thankful they got out of there.

This might sound quite dark, but to be honest the whole film was relatively dark. In a jokey way, the menacing clown standing by the window was great and slightly disturbing, but what wasn't funny was the baby. My God, that baby was horrible. For those who don't know me personally, I don't think there's anything scarier than babies in horror films. I don't know why. But this baby didn't help. The main bad bear guy was good, but he just seemed a little pissed off so didn't exactly scare me too much, not like that monkey watching the cameras did. That was weird.

I loved the way it looked like a prison and there was even something close to a torture scene at one point. Not only this, but the bit with the pit of fire even made me think 'Christ, this is a bit much'. So I'm happy to say, that this dark, evil side to Toy Story made me have a greater appreciation for it as a film and clearly they didn't want it to be as nice, bright and shiny as their previous movies.

The story worked well, but the whole escape thing kind of made me think - why didn't they sneak out how Woody sneaked in? It also felt a little short. The animation was, as always, superb and I saw it in 2D but I'm sure 3D would have looked great. Unfortunately, they have the little end bits in the credits where it's singing and dancing but I suppose I have to remember that it's a kids film. Which is what I want to stress to all those adults loving it - it's a kids film. When I hear about how sad it was and how people were crying, I could not for the life of me think which bits they were crying at. Getting melted? Saying goodbye? I was thinking they were lucky to get away from weirdo Andy and can actually be toys again. I think people get caught up in certain frenzies and the necessity to conform takes over, this film wasn't that great. Yeah ok it looks good, story was good, I even liked the dark stuff, it made me laugh a couple of times, but not once did I think - 'this film is amazing'. Maybe it's just me? But then, I love children's films, I love children's cartoons and more - so what makes this so special? I can't stand Shrek either. I just think it's all kind of lame and they might have pushed the boat out a bit with Toy Story 3 but, for kids this is amazing, as an adult it's alright. Great family movie, nothing more. I just know I'm going to be sitting on the tube next to a 45 year old man on his way to the City saying to his colleague 'oh I saw Toy Story 3 the other day, LOVED it, you HAVE to see it, it's AMAZING, best film I've seen for a long time'. I think they need to broaden their horizons. Don't get me wrong, go see it, but c'mon, get a grip - it's Toy Story.
I mean, you could be spending that money on seeing Inception again.
Have I offended enough people yet?

Rating: 7/10

Prince Of Persia

Disney's big hit for 2010 isn't based on a theme park ride, but instead on a popular video games series. But will it be as cursed as other game adaptations or will Bruckheimer give Disney another cash cow to milk?

Prince of Persia is a very strange choice for Disney to undertake, it definitely ticks all the right boxes for an action/adventure film along the lines of Pirates of the Caribbean, but the game series has gradually become less and less popular as they have continued. This is mainly because it's essentially the same thing again and again, and what with another game to coincide with the film's release, it will inevitably be the same again. So for something that has proven to be less popular over time, Disney's new franchise which will inevitably spawn sequel after sequel seems to be a bit of a risk. But then, this film is full of risks. Namely because it is directed by Mike Newell, who fair enough did make Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, but has a very strange list of films attached to his name including Donnie Brasco, Four Weddings and a Funeral , Mona Lisa Smile and a huge UK TV background before that. He's not exactly first choice for something as delicate as this, but then Prince of Persia is, almost, a British film. It was filmed on location in Morocco but most of it was filmed at Pinewood and has, apart from Gyllenhaal, an entirely British cast.

Gyllenhaal himself is a strange choice, not necessarily known for his action roles, he is pretty much the sole bankable name and definitely a whole lot better than the other names being bantered about for this role including Orlando Bloom and Zac Efron. However, even though it's got Kingsley and Arteton in it, it's solely dependent on that Jake will be putting bums on seats and is he necessarily such a huge box office draw? I imagine we will soon find out.

If you're not familiar with the games there's no need to worry, the only thing that remains the same is the setting and the idea of the 'sands of time' - but that's it. This is actually quite a shame as the games have a lot of twists, turns and plays with the idea of time travel in innovative, unique ways. But Disney have decided against this and settled on a bog-standard tale of a man on the run trying to clear his name and looks more like a live-action adaptation of Aladdin than Prince of Persia.

The initial action sequence is exciting and epic, but I'm afraid it's downhill from there. After a confusing mishap, Gyllenhaal's Dastan is on the run with Arteton's Tamina in tow and he soon learns about a dagger that controls time. Seeing as the time travel element is the most exciting thing about the film, you'd think they'd use it a lot especially during battle, but in fact, throughout the entire film it gets used about three or four times. Not even close to the amount of times you'd like to see it, baring in mind that in the games you are time travelling pretty much constantly, this was an extremely disappointing result, but if it was sacrificed to make for a better story then I could understand but I'm sorry to say this wasn't the case.

Soon, the clear-as-day twist is discovered and Dastan runs into Alfred Molina and his 'hilarious' rogues. Meanwhile, his two brothers - the great Toby Kebbell and 'that guy from Coupling' Richard Coyle are also trying to chase him down. Then the evil hassassins are soon following Dastan to get back the dagger and you can guess the rest. By the end, the climax is actually rather insulting and you're left feeling completely unsatisfied.

For a story that at it's heart is very simple, it's unnecessarily complicated. The underground time sandcastle, the history of the dagger and other characters try and distract you from realising that this is actually quite boring. It's not engaging enough and the action was the only saving grace, but even then I'd imagine this was done by a second unit and in fact, I doubt Newell had much say over the action set-pieces at all. Unfortunately, the action isn't grandiose enough and is entirely forgettable once it is over. Even little issues such as the geography of it all drove me mad, I never knew exactly where they were going and why people seemed to catch up to them, or lag behind and in the last sequence where an entire chamber dissolves into sand, how they all managed to end up in the same place. This might not matter to the kids who this is clearly designed for, but for adults it jars horrifically and Disney has to remember that Pirates did so well because adults were able to enjoy it at the same time, something I thought they had considered seeing as Prince of Persia was a PG13, the second Disney film to do so after Curse of the Black Pearl. But instead it's more style over substance, and not much style at that either. This film has been so long in the making that it has totally missed a crucial selling point of the last year, and that is 3D. Something like this could have benefited hugely from being in 3D instead of relying on it's 2D action and unsubtle script and you'd have thought Disney wouldn't miss such a money-making trick, but in fact it has.

Gyllenhaal does make a good action hero, not only does he look buff but his English accent is near passable and he can definitely work the part; but you feel he is wasted in a character as 2D as it's image. Arteton makes the most out of her annoying Princess, but she did impress me seeing as I hadn't thought much of her before this and the two of them together works quite well, even though it sometimes feels as screwball as It Happened One Night in parts, and not in a good way. Molina doesn't exactly inspire as the comic relief but fares well as someone who seems to think they are working at a market stall in Eastenders and Kingsley (looking like Ming the Merciless) is clearly laughing all the way to the bank. Another strange and almost racist (Disney racist? Surely not!) fact I noticed was that all the Persians were white. Heavily made up with orange make-up and eyeliner, all the main parts were Caucasian while everyone else in the background, wasn't. Looking into this Rey-Phillip Santos was supposed to play Garsiv and Golshifteh Farahani was supposed to play Tamina and you would have thought putting some ethnicity into the cast would have helped, especially since Arteton seemed to be the only white woman in her kingdom.

Overall, this is a kid's film and should be treated as such. It could be shorter but has enough going on to keep the little ones interested although as an adult, I wouldn't go see it unless I had to. If you're expecting another Pirates of the Caribbean, then expect more At World's End rather than Curse of the Black Pearl or better yet, just buy the new Prince of Persia game when it comes out because I'm sure that you and your kids will enjoy it more than this.

Rating: 4/10

Alice In Wonderland

The much anticipated Tim Burton twist on an old tale already made famous by Disney comes at the public in gorgeous 3D. But is it more style over substance? Short answer. Yes.

Like a lot of people, I was looking forward to this until I saw the trailer which looked rather, crap. It seemed to make the audience gasp in wonder at how it looks rather than showing an actual film, but I still held on to hope. Who can say what the story was about when they saw the trailer? But talking about trailers, I saw this at the Waterloo iMax in 3D and the trailer for Tron 2 beforehand was absolutely AMAZING. I would probably pay the entry fee again just to see those 2 minutes of genius. It looks incredible in 3D, even more so in iMax and, even though the black and white skin under neon lights is gone, it still looks dark and moody. I can't wait!

Anyway, what of Alice? well, what makes this strange is that this is some sort of weird sequel to the first one. Which means that it's a coming-of-age story taking place after a coming-of-age story. But this isn't Through The Looking Glass either, so it's not even really a sequel ... how mind boggling!

So what of Alice? Well the story is about a girl changing into a woman. Her body changes, literally growing and shrinking (a physical metaphor for her struggle between childhood and adulthood), she has no help from home and has to fend for herself in a chaotic, dangerous world. There's an obsession with time and scheduling ("You're late!"), with rules ("Eat Me"), with responsibility (slaying the dragon) and to not lose your head. Literally. So what of Burton's world? Well it certainly looks pretty but what I loved about the original Disney film, and the book when I read it yonks ago, was that it was quite dark. There was a macabre undertone throughout and a lot of black humour, but this time there's none. As great and cartoony Wonderland looks, it actually makes it a whole less threatening. Why did they do it? It's a safe line between the darkness Burton is known for and the happy colours that Disney is known for and makes it an amalgamation that felt a bit awkward.

So what actually happens? Well story wise, it's complete nonsense and full of plot holes. All you need to know is good queen, bad queen and that's it. It was absolutely frustrating to watch one scene stumble into another. The girl who played Alice does a decent job though, but her awkward fight scenes and that terrible dance at the end was cringeworthy. Depp keeps everything flowing nicely as the Mad Hatter albeit his Scottish accent that turns up when he's angry. It's a bit strange and the dance at the end again? Awful. What were they thinking?! Depp is clearly enjoying the character but since when has the Mad Hatter been so key to events? What I loved about him beforehand is he would turn up and piss about, he had no idea what was going on, even when he turned up in court later on in the original - but in this he's almost some kind of Morpheus figure. It just doesn't work and his role as a missing father figure for Alice is a bit weird as it comes from the fact her Dad did the crazy thing of ... trading with Thailand! The maniac! The voice acting is alright but the real shining stars are Helena Bonham Carter and Anne Hathaway. Why? Well let me tell you. Please. Let me.

Bonham-Carter as the Queen of Hearts is great. She's the petulant child with a big head (literally) that Alice is trying to get away from and once she sees what that's like face-to-face, she doesn't like it. Hathaway was the only funny thing in the whole movie, her (fake) gracefulness, maternal protection and heavenly presence is the woman Alice wants to be. Kind, sweet and elegant. Alice's real journey here is not only becoming a woman, but 'finding herself' as the blue caterpillar might put it. She is not sure she's the 'right Alice' to begin with and even goes under the guise of a childish name of Um until, somehow, getting the guts up to find her identity in the world.

But why come back to Wonderland now? Well, the real adult world and all it's fakery (mirrored in Wonderland by the plastic falseness of the Queen of Heart's crowd) is shown in a big engagement party for Alice that she's not even aware of. It is the true turning point of having to stand up for herself if she's to make her mark. You go girl! Every character is similar to someone in Wonderland, you can figure it out quite easily. It's not hard.

In 3D this was great, it worked well and didn't make me feel too sick for most of the time but it just wasn't enough to meet even 3D Avatar - which was better as a film in more than one respect. Alice In Wonderland was funny in places, didn't really make any sense, wasn't dark or as dangerous as it should have been and could have been a whole lot better. This might sound like a poor example, but when Dorothy goes back to Oz in Return To Oz and people tell her it's got really bad in Oz, it definitely has got really bad and that was a whole heap darker, and better than this. When Depp says it's got bad, nothing has actually changed storywise from what could have taken place first time round surely? Have they just got a bit fed up of their Queen? The end of the film almost made me want to hide I felt so embarrassed. Very distressing, cheesy and I had to almost look away before my confidence in Burton finally disappeared for good. Watch it for the 3D, but if you just want to see it as a film and you haven't got any kids or anything, don't bother. If you've watched it once, you won't want to watch it again. The fact it's 3D gives it an extra mark. Otherwise it's a 4 for effort (visually).

Rating: 5/10